My name is Tom, and I am an online self-paced student.
I can’t be the only person who sometimes feels apprehension in saying that to others. I mean, I would never say it in those exact words, but it’s the information itself.
Why do I sometimes feel shame in being an on-line student?
Some honest answers from my guts:
- People will think less of me since it’s not a traditional university education.
- People will wonder if I am not smart enough to simply learn the material on my own.
- Those in the field will think I am a fraud and just sort of ‘dabbling.’
- My collegues in the arts will think I’ve given up on my ‘true passion.’
- My friends will think I’m jumping on some fad and making an irresponsible decision.
Now here’s the thing: some, none, or all of this might be true. I still have absolutely no control over that and really never will. What other people will think of me really isn’t any of my business. But what I feel about myself is absolutely my business.
Not checking in with myself about these fears when they arrise is avoiding them and allows the fear to compound upon itself. I have to acknowledge the feelings to give them a chance to be processed. Otherwise, I get stuck in a loop of doubt and fear about myself and my goals.
I remind myself about why I wanted to do this in the first place. I take an account of what I have already accomplished and take pride in the fact that I have reawoken that part of my brain that thrives on learning. I take breaks and exercise my body, create in a different way, or simply rest, breathe, and remember that taking a risk should feel, well…risky.